Whod you bang
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
