So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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