lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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