I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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