Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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