i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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