better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
