Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize