Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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