Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
