wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
