doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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