This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
