New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
