a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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