his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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