Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
