you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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