Quick, to the slutcave!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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