Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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