I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
