we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
