O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
