It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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