im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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