Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
