I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
