Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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