I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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