About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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