I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
