if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
