I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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