Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
