Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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