the condom got lost in my hair
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
