The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she pinky promised me she was 18
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
