And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
