Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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