found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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