either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
