I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
