is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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