haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
