im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
