There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
