make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
