Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
