He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
