I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
