I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
