I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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