You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
