so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
don't judge my taste in strippers
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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