i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
