glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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