tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
