i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
