I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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