I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
