I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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