and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
