i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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