I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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