I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shitshow foam night was such a success
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
