I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
