Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
