There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
