I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Randomize
