"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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