I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
