Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
