Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
