Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Say something about gay babies.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
