it was like eating out sand paper
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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