Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just cut my nipple shaving
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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