i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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