i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
